Warning: This blog post contains no material on knitting, crocheting, or yarn. Proceed at your own risk.

Yesterday I was half an hour early for my doctor's appointment and needed to get some food. My choices were: 

A) Cross the street to Subway. It's farther away, my legs would hurt from the over-exertion I had already put them through earlier that week at the personal trainer, but there would be a healthy turkey sub at the end of it all.

B) Stay on this side of the street, get a slice of pizza from Fresh Slice, then go to Dollar Giant before my appointment. 

I reached for the door of Fresh Slice the same time as someone else. This person was a potentially cute stranger/someone who might attack me. He had long-ish hair and a smile that came too easily. He said with a saucy grin, "After you." I proceeded to the counter to order a ham and pineapple pizza slice and grabbed a bottle of cranberry juice (I was concerned with health, after all). 

As I reached into my wallet to pay, Potentially Cute Stranger/Someone Who Might Attack Me came up very close behind me. "This is it," I thought. "I'm going to meet my end by a knife in my back all because I couldn't walk the extra 10 steps to Subway and wanted to eat pizza and spend my money on hair clips at the dollar store instead." Stranger/Attacker then leaned down and whispered in my ear: 

"Do you trust me?"

To which I replied automatically, "No, not really!" 

(What can I say? I'm brutally honest when I feel my life is being threatened.)

He straightened and said, "Oh ok." He had the audacity to look hurt. I imagined he refolded his switchblade just then, although I didn't see it with my own two eyes. "I was going to suggest we combine our meals. They have a special: if you buy three slices, you get a free drink. But that's ok, I'll order on my own." 

Well shucks, now I'd hurt his feelings! Flustered, I said, "Oh right, of course - yes, we can do that." Then the lady at the counter told me it didn't apply to bottle drinks, only cans of pop. So I had to change from cranberry juice to Diet Coke (I was concerned with health, after all), which Stranger/Attacker fetched for me from the freezer. We paid a total of $5.24 for everything. TOTAL. He was right, it was a good deal. But I had to sacrifice my dignity for it. 

We ate awkwardly at separate tables: me pretending to check my email on my phone, him checking me out. I tell you, he was still walking that Cute Stranger/Potential Attacker line. Then he finished, squeezed my arm as he walked by, and said, "Thanks gorgeous, enjoy your day." 

And you know what? I didn't even find anything useless to buy at Dollar Giant. So the moral of the story is this: I know your legs are in pain but by god, walk across the street and get the 6-inch turkey sub. Your over-active imagination will thank you for it. 

End of post: recommence knitting now.