Saturday, 15 January 2011

Warning: This blog post contains no material on knitting, crocheting, or yarn. Proceed at your own risk.

Yesterday I was half an hour early for my doctor's appointment and needed to get some food. My choices were: 

A) Cross the street to Subway. It's farther away, my legs would hurt from the over-exertion I had already put them through earlier that week at the personal trainer, but there would be a healthy turkey sub at the end of it all.

B) Stay on this side of the street, get a slice of pizza from Fresh Slice, then go to Dollar Giant before my appointment. 

I reached for the door of Fresh Slice the same time as someone else. This person was a potentially cute stranger/someone who might attack me. He had long-ish hair and a smile that came too easily. He said with a saucy grin, "After you." I proceeded to the counter to order a ham and pineapple pizza slice and grabbed a bottle of cranberry juice (I was concerned with health, after all). 

As I reached into my wallet to pay, Potentially Cute Stranger/Someone Who Might Attack Me came up very close behind me. "This is it," I thought. "I'm going to meet my end by a knife in my back all because I couldn't walk the extra 10 steps to Subway and wanted to eat pizza and spend my money on hair clips at the dollar store instead." Stranger/Attacker then leaned down and whispered in my ear: 

"Do you trust me?"

To which I replied automatically, "No, not really!" 

(What can I say? I'm brutally honest when I feel my life is being threatened.)

He straightened and said, "Oh ok." He had the audacity to look hurt. I imagined he refolded his switchblade just then, although I didn't see it with my own two eyes. "I was going to suggest we combine our meals. They have a special: if you buy three slices, you get a free drink. But that's ok, I'll order on my own." 

Well shucks, now I'd hurt his feelings! Flustered, I said, "Oh right, of course - yes, we can do that." Then the lady at the counter told me it didn't apply to bottle drinks, only cans of pop. So I had to change from cranberry juice to Diet Coke (I was concerned with health, after all), which Stranger/Attacker fetched for me from the freezer. We paid a total of $5.24 for everything. TOTAL. He was right, it was a good deal. But I had to sacrifice my dignity for it. 

We ate awkwardly at separate tables: me pretending to check my email on my phone, him checking me out. I tell you, he was still walking that Cute Stranger/Potential Attacker line. Then he finished, squeezed my arm as he walked by, and said, "Thanks gorgeous, enjoy your day." 

And you know what? I didn't even find anything useless to buy at Dollar Giant. So the moral of the story is this: I know your legs are in pain but by god, walk across the street and get the 6-inch turkey sub. Your over-active imagination will thank you for it. 

End of post: recommence knitting now.


  1. LOL! I so understand your imagination! It was probably a kitchen knife that he slipped back in his boot! It's only because you shocked him when you said you didn't trust him that he put it away. He didn't know how to handle the honesty. But be afraid... he may show up at Subway next, looking cute as ever, but with a longer knife!! :D